by Michael Plante

Recovery is a journey.
Ups and downs
Trials and tribulations.
Successes and failures.
Darkness and light.

It was my Ego that kept me out there so long.
My refusal to admit I was wrong.
The Creator deflates the Ego by offering death.
It was something I didn’t want to test.

Surrender is only defeat of an idea that I was in control.
When I was ready to accept this I was ready to become healthy.
Only when I became healthy could I see that my misperception existed many year prior to the abuse of substances. I was sick a long time.

Most addicts have an understanding of the 12-step program and the contents. The idea of surrendering, the review of morals, and making of amends drives a fear into the heart of addicts. Fact is their perception is off and being so, their ideas of the 12-step program is askew. I thought I understood exactly what the 12-step program was when I was actively using. I was incorrect.

The big reveal in the 4th step made me cry for the child that was so lost. So misguided by fear and apprehensions that the world just didn’t make sense. Confused and blind, in pain and mental anguish it was no wonder that child reached out for a painkiller. I just wanted to hug that child and say, “You’re alright. You are loved”.

Once I came to understand the depth of addictive thinking I could remove myself from it. A person has to have a different perspective to develop an different viewpoint of themselves. Can you step outside your beliefs to review them objectively? Its the only way a person can see for themselves if there is a flaw within them. If there is a flaw corrections can be made if applicable.

As I tackled the 9th step I came to understand the compassion of people deeper. I’ve never met an addict that didn’t owe an amends of some kind. I owed many.
Some people I made my amends to, some are pending, and some I cannot make an amends to. I rest my regrets at the door of atonement. My life in sobriety is to assist other people in finding their way. My action have created a light that shines the way to a better life, one without substance abuse. My service work when called upon is there night and day. And for those that I cannot make an amends to, they watch my life in recovery with a satisfaction that I no longer hurt others or myself.

The greatest gifts came to me in recovery. I sobered up and took responsibility of my mother’s health. She got to see her son get sober after many years of alcoholism and drug addiction. Got to be there with him as he received his 1-year medallion. Got to be there when he married for a second time. Got to see his writing in print. Got to feel the love that he had for her before she succumb to dementia. A prayer answered.

Life in sobriety seems impossible to an addict, but remember, it only seems that way because you haven’t changed your perspective yet. From start until this moment I have never had a bad day in recovery, even when my mother passed away. I’ve had challenges, ups and downs yet they were never enough to discourage me from continuing a life of sobriety. The gift is realizing how much of a slave I was to addiction, even though I thought I controlled the world.

Cocaine Anonymous Southern Ontario
Meetings: https://ca-on.org/meetings/

Alcoholics Anonymous
Meetings: https://www.aa.org/find-aa

Addiction Helpline in Ontario
ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600

You are worth a life in recovery.
You are worthy of serenity.
You are worthy of peace.
You are worthy of everything that is good in life.
It is time to come in from the cold.

May the God of your understanding bless you in all you do.